Gerard’s Blog: Blender Splendour


There’s one tool that’s proving to be indispensable on this diet program.   And, I’m happy, even proud, to say that it was my foresight that brought said tool into our house.

A few years ago I went through a stage of craving smoothies.  And our ancient Value Village blender was not making the task of home-made smoothie production either easy or fun.  The ice cubes would not shred and there would be surprise clumps of fruit obstructing the straws and gagging the palate.

A detailed online research repeatedly directed me to the Vitamix, so to heck with the expense, off to the store I went.  It was one of those purchases that I felt required no justification or explanation: the best is the best.

My wife thought the expense was extravagant and needless.  I battled her taunting by immersing the family in offerings of smoothies.  Smoothies for breakfast, smoothies for desert, smoothies on hot afternoons.  Smoothies on winter movie nights and smoothies as a way of disguising leftovers.  Smoothies, I learned, could be the vector for injecting green vegetables into a sweet snack.  Smoothies, in short, were the embodiment of dietary excellence, wrapped in a package of convenience and decadence.

Perhaps I overdid it.  Soon, I couldn’t pay enough for the kids to accept a smoothie of questionable content.  Perhaps, I had taken the nutritional thing a step too far. Too many green smoothies.  Too many dried bagels dissolved and disguised in the body of a smoothie.

So, the blender took a rest.  It started to live the life that Suzanne had predicted from the beginning.  It became a red and black decorative piece on a counter that was designed for function, not fashion.  It was in the way.

But then … then came “The Diet!”  And this new sugarless life was fertile ground for a yearning for something sweet, something different than another baked potato.  And so, the blender has throttled back into action.  Gentlemen, fire up your engines!

Now, the blender is a daily contributor to our nutrient load.  We still have berries from last Fall in our freezers, and we have access to yogurt and milk, and birch syrup is our sweetener.  So, smoothies are back!  And not only that, the blender is now used to make butter.  You can tell that we have entered the world of mechanization by our forearms, which are shriveling back to normal human size.

So, we have come full circle.  Nothing like a little winter of deprivation to teach the masses about the benefits of a great blender.  And, in the process I feel vindicated for that extravagant purchase so many years ago, clearly now a harbinger in disguise.

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