Gerard’s Blog: Getting the Dirt on My Daughter


The onions have returned to the living space of our house.  For a few pleasant weeks over Christmas they were relegated to boxes in one of the cooler, yet accessible places in the house, under Kate’s bed.  Not good enough. When the precious onions began to sprout, it was time to spread them out and keep them dry.  So, back came the drying rack, a lovely addition to the room decor.

You can hardly blame the poor onions.  They like to grow in the dirt and clearly, they agree with me that there is plenty of that in my daughter’s bedroom!  I’m hoping that the incident will help with my daughter’s adolescence-induced blindness.

I’m also thinking about patent options:  maybe I could market something called, “the dirt detector.”  All I’d need is a few onions in a box, and people could place them strategically around their homes to locate the dirt.  They could be positioned in those places not readily seen or reached, like under beds, in closets, on the top shelves, etc.

They could be marketed as a house-cleaning time saver, such that one would only need to clean those areas where onions sprouted.  What child would complain about checking to see on the growth of an onion?  They would become eager participants in the search for domestic dirt.  And in so doing, their intrinsic adolescent blindness would be cured!   Who would have guessed that the tear-inducing onion would prove therapeutic for teenaged eyes?

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